[kathy]

I don't know where to start with this. Some of you may know that some concedrns have been raised abiut my youngest daughter having AS and she is to be seen by Autism Daignosis team. She was seen by comm paed who feels that a diagnosis is almost definite. It's not actually abput her though.

I have been gping to a self esteem therapy group run by my clinical psychologist. I suffer anxiety and depression and more recently been diagnosed with OCD. Howeveroover the past few weeks some things in the group had been ringing alarm bells with me and I started to identify some Asperger traits in myself - I have always had some traits, but not in social and communication skills I thought.

So after the group last night, I asked her if she saw anything which gave her cause for concern. I expected her to tell me to wise up - but she didn't. She told me that she could definitely see traits and it was obvious in the group setting that I had problems with communicating and social skills. I am also having trouble big time with identifying my own feelings and talking about them.

I feel really confused. I was an odd child, with definite sensory difficulties and desire for routine. I played alone a lot, because I couldn't be bothered with other children much. In adolescence I had male friends and a long term boyfriend, but not many girl friends.

I did alright at school, but reading back through my reports I relaise that I wasn't fulfilling my potential. They spoke about me being anxious and not being good at answering in written form, whilst being very good verbally.

My firstjob I hated - building society; but then went on to be a very successful nurse, and thrived on the structured environment of nursing. One of my anatomy and physiology tutors, knew my uncle and commented to him, that you rarely saw students who were as knowledgeable and enthusiastic about anatomy as I was - and yet that never shone through in my written work.

I don't know what to think, or who to turn to. I am finding little information about adults with Aspergers and would have no idea how to seek diagnosis etc - or even if I want to. I also feel veyr guilty, because if I have it, therein lies the reason that my children are suffering - one for definite and one possibly.

Feeling a bit desperate - what to do?

[pipistrelle]

I found this;

http://www.aspergerfoundation.org.uk/infos...sis_summary.pdf

which basically says to ask your GP for a referral. I'm not sure which professionals you need but I do know of several people dx'd in adulthood.

Good luck,

A x

[Mo]

For your own peace of mind go to your GP and get a referral for an assessment but don't start making assumptions in your head about a diagnosis--easier to say than do.
You may well have some traits and you may be having some social and communication skill difficulties at present BUT these are also classic symptoms of anxiety and depression. The OCD could account for your ability to be so focused in your studies with the anxiety associated with OCD making it difficult to convert the knowledge into exam answers.
pre-empting the assessment outcome and taking the blame for your childrens condition will not help you and you will go even further into a downward spiral--soooo big breath and try to lay this aside for the minute.
Also to the best of my knowledge whilst there may be a familial pre-disposition to ASD it is not hereditary therefore do not put on the hair shirt and beat yourself up over this one no matter how tempted you may be.

[Pangaia]

I definitely have lots of Aspie traits, which I didn't realize until I started researching it when it was connected to my son. I took this test
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
and got 87% probability that I have Asperger's.

Unlike other forms of autism, Asperger's is believed by most specialists to be hereditary. And in my case my son for sure got it genetically. My dad and his brother are both classic examples of Asperger's adults. All three of my brothers seem to be at least mildly affected. Of course this I didn't know either. I just knew that my family was always pretty strange in many ways.

So. I "gave" this to my son, IMO. Would I have not had him if I had known that he would inherit this trait? Of course not. Because now that there is a name for it, there is help out there. I am hoping my son doesn't grow up feeling like he never belonged, like I did. I am hoping he will learn to deal with the things that people with Asperger's have trouble dealing with, and since now teachers are aware of it and are learning more about it, I am hoping my son's educational experience is quite different from mine.

Please don't beat yourself up. You have enough on your plate right now to deal with on your own. You aren't guilty of anything, you brought a child into this world who happens to have a disorder. That isn't wrong. It just means he'll need some extra help and support from you, his teachers, and society.

His experiences will not be the same as yours, because we now have a name for this disorder and there is research and help available.

You didn't do anything wrong by having a child. Even if you had known he was going to have Asperger's, it still wouldn't have been wrong to have him.

This post has been edited by Pangaia: 14 June 2007 - 07:15 PM

[The Card Counter]

As an adult you need to see a Psychologist for a diagnosis.

But think this first, do you want a diagnosis? What will it change? Do you need it to get help or just to put your mind at rest?

Remember if you get a diagnosis you will be stuck with it for life, do you want that?

Quote

ringing alarm bells with me and I started to identify some Asperger traits in myself

Everyone has traits. I see them in Ratchet, my OT has so many even my psychologist and social worker have some, everyone does its only a problem if the traits stop you living your life and limit you.

Good luck

[call me jaded]

We have a No Blame Policy here. Things are as they are and we need to deal with them. Don't be hard on yourself. The question you need to think about is, 'What would I gain from a formal diagnosis?' Good luck.

[kathy]

I suppose the thing is that I am in the mental health system and being treated for mental health problems that may not actually be the problem. Because tings seem to get no better I tend to get more down and withdrawn. I also get very frustrated communicating with people, because I know I don't do it successfully. I am also aware that I don't listen to what others are saying which affects quality of relationships.

I have very low self esteem and psychologist feels that apart from being unable to tell people how I feel, I am unable to identify how many things make me feel. This leads to further low self esteem and ineffective communication - it's been like that all my life.

A diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - if that is what I have - would help me to understand why things have been the way they have been all my life. I don't know whether or not it will change things for the future. Maybe if it could help me and those close to me to understand where I am coming from, it would lead to less anger and more communication in important relationships.

I know I can do all this without a diagnosis, but it is important to me to know that I am not imagining it all - one of my OCD problems is that I fear being a hypochondriac.

The best thing would be to make life more understandable, rather than struggling with all the complex and confused feelings I have. As would explain a lot to me - but I cannot predict the outcome it will have in the future. How can I know what outcome it will have.

I'm really so confused. I mean it's not just one or 2 characteristics it's loads - sensory problems, discomfort in social situations, routines, lack of understanding of other people, few friendships, feeling if not knowing where other people are coming from, poor organisation unless highly structured, constant anxiety, low motivation when not interested, one sided coanversations, switch off listening when not interested, impolite at times, fixating on small details - the list goes on.

But what if it diesn't help to know?

[kathy]

Meant to say - I haven't worked for past 6 years, I hate social contact - I plan it all out in my head, I rely on my OH to organise things for me, he cooks, he washes, he cleans - mainly because I don't have the motivation or organisational skills to do that a lot of the time.

Everyone tellls me I am depressed so they put me on huge doses of antidepressants - but what if I just need somehelp to organise myself, help to prioritise tasks and so on.

Whatever is wrong with me is restricting my life big time right now. With R my eldest daughter, I see so much that reminds me of me. I know her like the back of my hand and I know how things are going to make her feel etc, because I know how I felt as a child. It's like looking at myself - she feels like an extension of me; and the little one is starting to remind me of me too.

Thanks for listening - hope I am not being a pain!

[The Card Counter]

Your not a pain.

If you think it will help, go and try for a diagnosis. Just remember that a diagnosis of Aspergers is for life and its very different from a diagnosis of mental health problems. And as an adult quite a lot of the time it is treated (managed) by the mental health teams. It may make things easier but you will be left with it for ever and ever. Some people think Aspergers is just an excuse so you may have to fight people like that. You have to do whats right for you.

Best of luck.

[kathy]

Problem is right now, I don't know what's right - I feel labelled anyway, with depression and OCD. How do I figure out whether it will help or not?

I think I am beyond caring what others think - I am trying to think of what is right for me - but that's hard to do.

You know maybe it is just depression - but so much of what the psychologist tells us in the self esteem group, seems foreign. I don't get it.

I feel like I have already felt the way I do forever and ever, maybe knowing may give me an opportunity to gain insight and make changes. It might explain why I feel so confused and let down by things that people around me do. Maybe it's me and not them and maybe if I knew I could learn to understand the difficulties.

Thanks for your help CC ;)

[The Card Counter]

:)

I have (on paper) a diagnosis of Autism, OCD, anxiety, sensory processing disorder along with a lot of co-cormibs including visual problems, possible epliepsy and a few others.

You may have Aspergers AND OCD, anxiety. Some behaviours and fears can be linked to Aspergers like the fear of change but others such as the thoughts of not being believed (hypochondriac) would still be classed as an OCD behaviour not an Aspergers behaviour.

You could just end up with another diagnosis on top of what you already have. BUT if it answers questions in your mind and would help with things such as finding suitable work or getting benefits then go for it.

[Spyro]

Kathy, I am exactly in your situ, been suspecting it for a few months now. I too have a lot of personal issues and been diagnosed with OCD. I've actually just come back this morning from visiting my GP to ask for a referral but I couldn't explain myself too well (which is normal for me) so I asked if I could write it all down on paper. Havta go back when I have done that and he'll go through it with me.

Just done the test that Pangaia posted above and my score was

Aspie score - 132 of 200
NT score was 77 of 200.
You are very likely Aspie.

I personally don't think I am Aspie as such but more likely ASD.

If you wanna talk, PM me ok. We could go through this procedure together if you like. (((HUGS)))

I cannot believe how similar we are from reading your posts on this thread.

This post has been edited by Spyro: 15 June 2007 - 11:13 AM

[call me jaded]

Kathy it sounds as if you would gain a tremendous amount from a formal diagnosis. I think it will help put your reactions to things in context and allow you to build confidence.

My son is very comfortable with how he is. We don't try to be 'normal' because that seems so false to us. We do things the way he needs and don't explain or apologise other than say 'It's just the way he is'. Perhaps a diagnosis would bring you some peace of mind.

[kathy]

Spyro - I did the test too. My score was Aspie score - 168/200 and NT score 37/200. You are very likely an aspie!

I worked as a nurse which is probably not the right job for aspies - but I liked the structure and routines - I was actually a unit manager and found the management of resources etc easy; but not dealing with staff - especially conflict.

Jaded - I have been reading a lot lately about how we shouldn't make ASD kids, as this can be very harmful and instead concentrate efforts on making society accept their differences. My psychologist tells me that the way society has insisted people think of others before themsleves has actually been very damaging. Because you have the right to think of yourself as much as anyone else.

I will pm you spyro! Thanks.

[Tatty]

Kathy I also did the Aspie test, got 117 out of 200 for Aspie and 69 out of 200 for NT score and I am very likely an Aspie too, I do have difficulties but not as severe as you and Spyro have described so perhaps the test is quite a good indicator, good luck with your decision.

Tatty x