The Life and Times of Old Bat and Her Family

Our “Sunbeam” was born 14 years ago and he was different from the start! He cried for 3 years and we came to the conclusion that he didn’t like being a baby! I started work when he was a year old but had to give up 2 years later when he was just so unhappy being with a childminder. He was always alone at playschool but everyone said it was because he was a boy. He had funny little ways which was always put down to him being a boy!! As I had previously had 2 girls from my first marriage I presumed this must be right!! How trusting of me!

I went back to my old job when Sunbeam went to school.He didn’t like it there and it was heartbreaking to see him skipping around the playground on his own, talking to himself at playtimes.Eventually we removed him from the school (as the headteacher was having a few difficulties to say the least) and we placed him in another infant school where his teacher said that she was a bit concerned about him. She conducted a test on him which showed that he was achieving what he should be achieving for his age but she didn’t complete the test which would have shown that he wasn’t achieving for his ability. So we took him to see a friend of a frieend who was a SENCO at a private school in Surrey.  She did the whole test which showed that indeed he was achieving for his age but his ability was off the page!!Alarms bells rang and we aranged for Sunbeam to be assessed privately by an Ed Psych. His report showed that Sunbeam had a few communcation problems but didn’t actually point to a specific difficulty. Meanwhile, Sunbeam wasn’t sleeping and as my job was in school health I managed to get him referred to a sleep clinic followed by another clinic! I also went to see our GP who referred him to someone else and we eventually ended up with a lovely psychologist who diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome. Her superior was less forthcoming and was reluctant to label him with a specific diagnosis which hindered obtaining any extra help in school.

As Sunbeam was about to transfer to junior school I visted the headmaster and told him that our lovely son had been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and his response was “And who told you that?” I showed him the written evidence and he eventually accepted that our son had a problem. Sunbeam’s first teacher was marvellous and really understood him and we watched him gain in confidence during his first year in junior school so we started to feel that perhaps everthing would be OK. However, each year Sunbeam would start the new school year and have a new teacher and he would be anxious about it and we would reassure him that school knew about him and his new teacher would understand him etc etc. How wrong we were! No communication between anyone! Sunbeam would start the new term but would come home at the end of the first couple of days in tears because the new form teacher had done something to upset him. We would then have to go into school and explain that he has AS. The teacher would look at us with a vacant look, totally surprised at our revelations! We would then explain about how they might get on better with him and then things would improve after a month or so! Each year would be the same!!

When it was time for Sunbeam to transfer to secondary school we went and visited the only 2 schools in our area. As I had worked in school health for years I had got to know a few of them so I wasn’t particularly reassured by any of them. We went and visited the school my daughters had attended and asked the headmaster why we should send our son who has AS to his school. He reply was “Well, he’ll be treated like everyone else!” Wrong answer and certainly no reassurances that they would know how to help him. We went to another school which was accross the county border into Dorset. The SENCO there seemed to understand the workings of the AS mind and said they had many children like Sunbeam there. We returned home with new hope and made arrangements for Sunbeam to transfer to the Dorset school. How wrong we were again!! Whilst a school might have an enlightened SENCO, it makes no diofference when the teaching staff are completely ignorant. After the first term it became evident that Sunbeam was struggling and also the school was struggling to help him. An appiontment was made to see the head of year and the SENCO. Things were discussed and we asked about statementing. “Oh no” came the firm reply, “No-one gets statemented these days. Don’t even bother trying. We can cope!” Huh!

Sunbeam struggled on and my contact with school continued and became almost daily. He was being picked on by other students, wasn’t making any friends and just found the whole school thing very hard to deal with. As he presented as a well behaved boy who always tried his best his difficulties were hugely underestimated. Towards the end of his first year sunbeam became very unhappy and said that he’d rather be dead, not because he wanted to harm himself but because he thought it would be the only way that the bullies wouldn’t be able to get at him. I contacted his consultant (who had been a complete waste of time) and she referred him to the CAHMS team. He was immediately picked up and referred to an Asperger’s therapist and has been seeing him eversince.

Sunbeam’s second year at school began reasonably optimistically but soon began to deteriorate. Again, some teachers seemed to be completely unaware of his difficulties and we again asked about statementing but we were again dissuaded from going down that route. By this time the school had a new SENCO who seemed to be very keen to make her mark so we gave up dealing with the head of year as he wasn’t very effective and concentrated on the SENCO.

Meanwhile, Sunbeam continued to struggle. Despite our numerous contacts via phone and in person with school things didn’t change.Sunbeam had to be withdrawn from the classes of 3 teachers, one of which was an RE teacher (very Christian attitude NOT!). Each of these teachers were offered the opportunity to sit down with Sunbeam and try and talk to him and to understand him a little better but all 3 refused!! The electronics teacher shouted at the class and insisted on calling Sunbeam Josh which isn’t his name. Needless to say this caused a great deal of anxiety to Sunbeam but the head teacher’s response was that Mr X was “a bit volatile”!!!! The school finally agreed to have Sunbeam assessed but we were still being dissuaded from requesting a statement. Eventually events overtook and Sunbeam couldn’t even bring himself to go into school without a massive panic attack. He became very depressed and had to be medicated.

We decided and were advised not to send Sunbeam back to school in September 06 as all his details had gone to the LEA and they had been informed of the difficulties he’s been having. He was then sent to an education centre where excluded children are sent for a period of time with the intention of them returning to full time education. In Sunbeam’s case it’s until a permanent placement can be found.

That brings us more or less up to date so I will now try and do a monthly update. Thank you for reading this.