2010 – Another year! April
Well, I thought I might add to my blog as I haven’t been on for a while and quite a bit has happened!
Sunbeam started at the Wing Centre last September! It all started VERY slowly but the depth of understanding from the staff is something we haven’t experienced before. They don’t want to do things too quickly otherwise it make take even longer than anticipated to get Sunbeam to settle.
As I said, we are now in April. Sunbeam attends the WC on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays but that does sound rather better than it is! He does work experience on a Monday and Wednesday so he’s only in the centre on a Tuesday and he doesn’t like mixing with the other boys as they are “weird”! There’s been a change in staff at the centre too which doesn’t help but I’m hoping that it won’t make too much difference to Sunbeam.
He does seem to be maturing emotionally and not quite so dependent on me but, every now and again something happens and he reverts to the behaviour of a 10 year old boy. Like today! He’s not having a good day his much anticipated Bren Gun arrived, which was the good news! The bad news was that it had been damaged in transit! Deep depression! Then more bad news! We have missed a private event for the WW2 re-enactment group he belongs to! Then, to top it all, he bought an Xbox game and doesn’t like it! I will now have to hope that I can take it back or exchange it!
However, we now do have some good news!! Sunbeam likes the dog thing! It seems to stem from the news his friend gave him some weeks ago that they were going to get a lab puppy just like ours! And so began the interrogation from Sunbeam – “Where does your puppy come from?” “Is it a proper pedigree?” “Is it gun dog like ours?” From then on he liked the dog! We can now all travel in the same car instead of having to take 2 and we don’t have to look for a foster family! Phew!
We still have lots of anxiety from Sunbeam! He gets very upset about what he’s put us through and still does and no amount of reassurance from me will make him believe that we would do anything for him. I’ve even told him that I have at last found something to focus my life on, fighting for him and other children like him and I’ve met the most amazing people because of that. It’s made me a better person and I’ve become quite educated on the way! I know that he is getting anxious about returning to the WC and I’ll have problems getting him there in the morning but I hope I’ve made him realise that this is the only place he’s going to get the right sort of help.
My heart breaks for these kids. They are struggling with all these mixed emotions and can’t do anything to help themselves. Their rigid thinking stops them from accepting help and then they get more stressed. Sunbeam said earlier this evening that he feels we would be much better off without him! How awful is that? I can only say to him that my life would be so empty and pointless without him and it’s because of him that I am a better person now than I used to be.
We parents of children with ASD have a very uncertain future in many cases and that’s quite frightening for us. I still have an image of me with my zimmer frame shuffling around my local town with Sunbeam shadowing me and it terrifies me! I don’t know if I have the stamina to do it but I know that I will because there is no-one else other than his dad to do it and we’ll do it because we love him.
On a lighter note, the dog thing is calming down a bit! Only 6 holes in the kitchen wall (all painted with English mustard as he doesn’t like that!). He’s ruined 4 pairs of my shoes, 3 pairs of my slippers and Heaven only knows how many socks he’s eaten! He gets humped by almost every dog in the area! I think he must give off some sort of gay dog vibe! The white Alsatian dog, Merlin, can’t leave him alone and tries to hump him from behind and from the front! He’ll have dog thing’s eye out soon! Dog thing has now been given a huge kennel by our very generous neighbours! He’s been in it for about 3 seconds so we’ll have to build up slowly! Maybe 4 seconds tomorrow! And I’ve never known a dog to lose so many balls! Yet another one this afternoon! He dropped it down between the rocks on the beach and looked very puzzled as to why I couldn’t go and get it! He also tries to bury them on the beach and wonders where the hell they’ve gone when the waves covers them over and we can’t find them! Duh!
I can hear him snoring in the kitchen now! He’s probably dreaming of rabbits hopping slowly and of surfing in the sea! That’s his latest thing, surfing! I throw the ball into the sea as far as I can and he bounds in to get it then catches the waves on the way back! He really is smiling when he does it!
Well, I will try and keep this up. I’ve volunteered to participate in the Hampshire Autistic Partnership Board so that may be interesting and I’m making enquiries about funding for advocacy in the New Forest amongst other things. We’ve also got a bit of a concern over my health as I appear to have a small tumour in my head! I thought it might be my brain growing after all these years but apparently not! We don’t know if it’s benign or malignant yet but I will hopefully find out within the next 2 weeks. I must have done something really, really awful in my past life! I just wish I could remember what it was!
Until next time.