Do you ever bother to look at the spam that you are sent? It is getting pretty interesting.

First of all, there’s the obvious stuff: apparently Romana’s roommates are out of town and she’s feeling lonely, so she kindly sent me her phone number. There are also many single women who want to meet me, and I don’t even need a credit card if I want an introduction. (Good job – I prefer the type of woman who has her own credit card, and an income big enough to cover the repayments.) Some of these single women apparently have their own websites as well as phone lines and email campaigns, so I think that if they’re still single after all their pro-active pursuit of boyfriends, there must be something wrong with them. The fact that they are chasing a married man might be a clue…

This morning, in a perfectly timed piece of spamming, I was invited to “Try A Revolutionary Coffee Experience” – but as this was directly below an email asking if I wanted a free trial of a colon cleanser, I declined the offer.

The entrepreneurial programmes on offer seem tempting, if a little bit obvious: “Send me $100 and I’ll tell you the secret of earning thousands of dollars a day.” Let me guess – it starts by sending out loads of emails…

And there is no shortage of lifestyle coaching programmes on the electric internet. Apparently the only people who achieve their personal goals are those who pay for life coaches. I think these emails should be linked to the ones telling us how to improve our computer’s performance: upgrade your spam filter.

When senior Labour Party advisers are describing people as “oiks” then it is evident that the party is about as connected to the working classes as Lord Fauntleroy.