Great Britain has a new enemy – thanks to Gordon Brown’s wise and diplomatic use of legislation labelled as "anti-terrorist" when seizing the assets of failed Icelandic banks. Serious times, he said, call for serious men. He’s right – this is not funny.

So when Reykjavík declares war, how will we fare?

Their armed forces amount to 159,000 – against the UK’s 195,000. However, they aren’t currently engaged in 2 foreign wars already, nor are they actively involved in eight locations around the globe. There’s no doubt that they could bring more people to the party, and won’t be suffering from nasty hangovers (either from battle or binge) when they get there.

So once again, Blighty would have to rely on the chaps with the Polish uniforms to protect us: the RAF. The Icelandic air force is known locally as the "Surveillance and Air Rescue Wing" and it consists of four radar stations. Not much of a match for our 850 aircraft, including Tornados, Harriers, Typhoons and Reaper UAVs. The RAF’s finest hour may have to be repeated if Prime Minister Boredom Frown doesn’t apologise to Mr Haarde PDQ.

Thankfully, the Icelandic Coast Guard is no match for the Royal Navy either. Iceland’s "Bravest Men" may have earned their status in the Cod Wars, but manning a machine gun on a trawler in midwinter doesn’t really cut it when you are up against 12 nuclear submarines, 3 carriers, 8 destroyers, 17 frigates and 3 amphibious support vessels.

So my conclusion: Iceland couldn’t invade us, because they can’t get here past our sea & air power. We can’t invade them, because they would kick our arses in a land battle.

I think it’s time for an apology, Mr Brown.