This evening, while we were enjoying a very lazy Friday night takeaway, Tiny Flirt came to me for a cuddle.

He arrived with three pieces of pepperoni pizza in his possession: one in each hand and one in his mouth. Even so, when I discovered that he wanted to sample my chicken kebab, I realised that his dazzling affections were merely a ruse – it was, in fact, Cupboard Love. And he got what he wanted.

Later on, after the Tiny One had been put to bed, I discovered that an uneaten piece of greasy pizza had been left on my MacSkin – the suede sleeve for my Apple.

The problem? Only that every female who has heard about this disgraceful behaviour has condoned it – typified by the one who said ‘incorrigible’ with a sigh and a smile.

Well, I disagree. Tiny Flirt is a greedy little yobbo. And if you have fallen under his spell, that is your problem. Don’t expect any sympathy from me. (But I wish I knew what it is he has that makes him so successful with women…)