I do not want another weekend like this weekend. Well, yes, I do – but it needs to be a three day weekend next time.

Kate Rusby was fantastic. She doesn’t just sing like an angel – she is also a very witty stage performer. And however good her recorded music is, her live performances? are infinitely better.? Darling Wifey & I took Bart as a thankyou for all the hard work he has put in to maintaining ASDFriendly? over the years. And we went out for a Spanish dinner afterwards. Great stuff.

Lunch next? day was in Whitby we all ate? fish & chips out of newspaper while sitting on the harbour wall, basking in the late summer sunshine. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it made us catastrophically late for our next appointment: we had? to arrive early at Grandma’s house to take the kids out for a few hours (did I mention that Grandma had the Chatterboxes and Little Nutter was in respite? You should have realised that something must have happened to them for us to have so much freedom!) and collect the “Ruby Wedding” cake.

The Rules, in these situations, demand a row, so in obedience to them Darling Wifey lost a shoe and I had a tantrum about having to find it for her. She threatened to go to the party barefoot, and I threatened not to go at all. It was a relief to get that out of the way, so we could carry on sorting things out.

At grandma’s, we partied.

Well, inasmuch as grandma would let us party. I was told I could have a beer, which was then confiscated by grandma who had promised several guests that I would drive round to pick them up. Darling Wifey was given the task of photographing everyone for the official “Ruby Wedding” album – a neat choice, this, as it meant that every time Darling Wifey approached anyone they smiled at her and refused to say anything.

Tiny Flirt hid under the buffet table with a plate full of chicken goujons, much to grandma’s distress when she realised they were missing? (and there was no way I was going to grass up my son – he was happy!) and Little Madam hid in a bedroom with her cousin and spent the next few hours having a burping competition.

We made it home at about midnight.

This morning, Darling Wifey lost a gold inlay from a tooth – and we are still registered with a dentist in Durham. And we had to collect Little Nutter from respite afterwards – 20 miles in the opposite direction.

Much fun. Not.