The attempts to move into this house and make it our own continue with the clearance of the front room. We have finally decided on the “mood” for this room, and it is going to be grown-up and kiddie-free. It was originally a playroom - but all the kids did was trash it and then bring the mess into the sitting room to mess that up as well.

Just think of it as removing the middleman from the process.

So today we were moving toys and furniture upstairs in preparation for stripping the wallpaper, sanding the floorboards and installing a very expensive new fireplace. This meant removing the stairgate from Tiny Flirt’s bedroom door and putting it out of the way - although with hindsight, the top of the stairs wasn’t very out-of-the-way.

Little Nutter was fascinated. He had never seen the stairgate detatched from a door before, and had to investigate.

On the way down the stairs, the stairgate neatly decapitated our ‘Stair Bears,’ a collection of hand made & painted (by Helen) bears. The slaughter was ruthless and merciless: five bears, including three small infants, were killed - their bodies scattered across the front hall.

Little Madam was bereft. In fact, so devastating was the trauma that even Little nutter was subdued and actually asked, “What’s the matter?”

His first question. His first three-word sentence.

Dinner was quick - and early - this evening. The dishes are out of the way. The dog is walked. And, most importantly of all, the sofa has been moved so there’s room to hide behind it.

He’s back.

“Our children listened to Tchaikovsky while they ate their dinner.”
(Translation: “They watched the Barbie movie at the table…”)

“Tiny Flirt makes us laugh with his adorable, precocious behaviour.”
(Translation: “Last night he dialled 999 and asked for Grandma…”)

“Little Nutter is settling into his new educational routines very well, and the benefits are enormous.”
(Translation: “He prefers school to home. Not that we’re complaining…”)

“Little Madam is developing quite an interesting personality.”
(Translation: “When Little Madam and Darling Wifey square up to each other, it’s time to retreat to a safe distance and open a big bag of popcorn…”)

Here is a small collection of quotations from a Department for Education and Skills document on literacy in Religious Education:

“Talking together in discussion is an interactive process…”
“Writing helps to capture thoughts and ideas, because it leaves a record…”
“Section 3 of this booklet shows two examples of the exemplification…”

Then there are some suggested scripts to prompt the implementation of this strategy:
To identify main areas:
“Right, we need to agree on the main points…”
To establish responsibilities:
“Okay, so we need to decide who is going to do what…”
To generate ideas:
“Does anyone have any ideas about…”
To check understanding:
“Do you see what I mean?”

Finally, inside the front cover, is the following disclaimer:
“The Department for Education and Skills wishes to make it clear that the Department and its agents accept no responsibility for the actual content of any materials…”

Would anybody like to suggest where the driving force for the “dumbing down” of the British education system originates…?