Well, we now have several thousand pounds worth of new central heating system.

The previous owner of our home fitted the last one himself (law #1 broken) with the flue venting exhaust gases onto next door’s property (law #2) directly opposite their back door (law #3.) It was so close to the roofline (law #4) that he had to fit a steel plate to stop it setting fire to the fascia board and gutter.

Then, when the seal around the combustion chamber failed, he replaced the seal with a silicone based window sealant (we are unsure whether that one actually broke the law – but by now it’s academic, really.)

When we moved in, the boiler was venting carbon monoxide into the house in sufficient quantities to kill.

The words “irresponsible,” “reckless” and “maniac” come to mind.

Naturally, we are “pursuing the matter” with the various people employed by us to spot such things and give us warning.

Meanwhile, for the last four days the builders have been gutting the house and fitting a new boiler. The fun part was when the Mother-in-Law was housesitting. They didn’t tell her that they had removed the toilet until she had finished her third cup of tea. I told her that there was a bucket in the shed, but to no avail.

Grandma spent the time “helping us to settle in” – which involved clearing out all the cupboards and putting everything back. Darling Wifey’s reaction to her mother rooting through our belongings was predictably appreciative and understanding, and I am sure that she will feel happier about it in a few days. (Note for Our American Cousins: sarcasm may the lowest form of wit but it has been mastered and undersood by higher intelligences. That’s why we love Dubya so much over here.)

This weekend I shall mostly be cleaning brick dust from the floor.