We worked out that we were paying ?32 a month for two mobile telephone contracts, but only using ?5 a month of calls between us. (It was a very difficult calculation to make, but since Darling Wifey and I have had over 13 years of university education between us, we managed it.)

Transferring the first of our numbers from a pre-paid contract to pay-as-you-go has so far taken 3 weeks, 17 phone calls (each with at least ten minutes in a queue) and two days (so far) with “no service” displayed on the telephone screen.

On the whole, I think it is a good thing that we decided to transfer the contracts one at a time…

Meanwhile, yesterday I tried to buy my rail season ticket for September. I wasn’t allowed to.

Railway customer services decided that it was more convenient for me to have my season tickets with immediate start dates. “It is easier, sir, for you to buy your season ticket at the travelcentre on the morning of your first day’s travel.”

The travelcentre opens at 9:30. My train is at 7:21. Obviously the people who devised this policy haven’t had as much time at university as Darling Wifey and myself.

Then there is the “Inspector Morse” fiasco.

We are both fans of the books, and enjoyed the programmes when they were broadcast. We have also been half-thinking about buying them for a while.

Now some company or other is releasing two episodes a month on DVD. “Phone this number now,” screamed the advertisment, “to subscribe and receive every episode through the post.” Credit card at the ready, I phoned the number…

…and after half an hour on a computerised ordering service, I received the message, “Thank you for ordering Painting With Watercolours.”

My favourite part of call centre operations is the “For Complaints, press 9” thing. That always makes me laugh so hard it hurts.