I’m not saying who, but some damn fool left the key in the front door whilst looking after Little Nutter this afternoon.

Everyone knows that for every difficulty Little Nutter has with speaking and communicating, he more than makes up for it with his genius for technical things, machines, puzzles and, best of all, locks. He is a criminal genius in the making.

Everyone knows that all doors must remain locked, and keys kept on high shelves, out of sight, where devious little masterminds cannot see them and hatch plots.

So when I arrived at xxxx‘s house to collect him, I was called round to the garden via the back gate, and Little Nutter saw me arrive and ran into the house. Thirty seconds later I followed him in to find the front door open and no sign of the child.

Thirty minutes later I found him, slightly more than half a mile from the house. He greeted me with a wave and a shout of “Daddy!” It seems that he was relieved to have been found.

Since getting home, I have ordered a safety alarm for him, had a migraine, and drunk half a bottle of wine. Oh yeah, and the laxative thing was extraordinarily effective.

Little Nutter is booked into nursery full time from tomorrow. They have three locks, staff on the door, and security cameras.

Addendum

After thinking about it, running at full sprint for 30 minutes and finally finding Little Nutter is exactly what dads should do. That makes me superdad.

From now on, I shall wear my underpants on the outside.