I have a friend who farts so regularly that he doesn’t even know he is doing it. It took him nearly ten years to realise that his wife was blaming him when she did it.

Anyway, Tiny Flirt is now at that wonderful age where he is only happy when he is being held and involved in all conversations and social activities. It is very important to listen to his contribution – which consists of coos and gurgles – because if you ignore him, he will punish you. He will barf on you.

The main advantage of this is that babies are expected to make noises and smells.

My problem is that Darling Wifey is beginning to suspect that it isn’t always the baby.